Sunday, January 23, 2011

Things Change, Plans Fail

Things change
Plans fail
You look for love on a grander scale
Storms rise
Hopes fade
And you place your bets on another day
When the going gets tough
When the ride's too rough
When you're just not sure enough
Jesus will still be there
His love will never change
Sure as a steady rain
Jesus will still be there
When no one else is true
He'll still be loving you
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer
Jesus will still be there

Time flies
Hearts turn
A little bit wiser from lessons learned
But sometimes
Weakness wins
And you lose your foothold once again
When the going gets tough
When the ride's too rough
When you're just not sure enough

When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer
Jesus will still be there

This day holds special meaning to me...this song holds special meaning to me.... You see I LOVE to sing. I grew up singing in my church in the choirs, with the adult choir and leading worship for the youth, but the first time that I stood up on my own in front of the church to lead the special music was in January of 1998. That's back when you used a solotrac that was of course on a tape and the whole service was recorded on a different tape. If you listen to my voice you can hear some serious shaking in the first little bit of the song before I really got comfortable and was able to truly enjoy and worship. The song I sang that day was "Jesus Will Still Be There" by Point of Grace and oh what meaning that song held that I was just days away from seeing.

You see I forgot to describe what I looked like/was feeling like at the point that I stood up to sing. For quite a while I had been losing weight, but I was eating A LOT of food and was SO thirsty. I was lethargic, which the week after singing in church turned to the point of being unable to get past getting my rollers in my hair in the morning. We had visited the doctor several times to which each time I had been told that I just had a sinus infection. However, when we visited the doctor's office on January 23, he decided to run two different tests this time. The first was to check for ketones (a sign that your body does not have enough insulin) and sent me to the lab to check my blood sugar. Both tests showed what he had suspected. He told my dad that I was diabetic and instructed him to take me to the hospital.

I spent a few days at the hospital getting my blood sugars regulated and my weight back closer to what it should have been. I was shown an outpouring of love by our friends and family. And I got to show my stubborn side to the doctor as I agreed to check my blood sugar but refused at first to give a shot...that was until he told me that I could not go home until I had done so.
I remember freaking out and asking my mom if my Diabetes meant that I could never have a birthday cake again(big worry huh).
I remember getting home for the first meal out of the hospital and the absolute frustration that I felt as I cried because I could not make my finger bleed enough to test my blood sugar.
I remember the emotions that were brought forth with those first high and low blood sugars.
I remember in particular a tantrum thrown in an airport in Colorado because I had to eat or would have a low blood sugar, I wasn't hungry and the airport did not have anything that I wanted.
I remember receiving my insulin pump my senior year of high school, being so excited about it and then freaking out, boxing it back up and trying to convince my parents that we needed to return it.
(What amazing parents I have! They have always been the guardians of my diabetes, allowing me to handle it myself, but always showing such great patience and emotional support!)

But the funny thing is, as big of a deal as it may seem at some points in my life, its a disease you can live with. I have a normal life. I may have had to learn responsibility at a younger age than a lot of kids did, but what a blessing! And to think that God will not give us more than we can handle, so He knew that this scrawny 13 year old girl could handle being a Diabetic! Yes I have an insulin pump attached to me 24/7, but I would not trade it for shots any day! I may carry fruit snacks around in my purse, but who doesn't love fruit snacks! Yes my fingers have teeny calluses on them from testing my blood sugar, but praise God for the technologies that He's given us so that I can be healthy now and when I'm older. I think a lot of time it takes perspective for us to view our "trials" in life for what they truly are as blessings.
I have had the opportunity to visit kids who have just been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in the hospital and help them see that they might have to be more cautious, but they can still dance and sing and run even! Praise God for the life He has given me and for the opportunities that have come from the unexpected blessings!
Today is my diabetic birthday and my diabetes is 13!


zoocat said...

Little sis, I remember every step along the way, and all the stories you didn't tell. I admire the strength and maturity you developed early on to deal with your diabetes, and it makes me proud to use you as an example of how to do it right when I talk to some of my employees who struggle with managing theirs. You are a wonderful, strong woman, and I am blessed to call you my sister.

Lynn Cooper said...

Hey girl! I didn't know you had Diabetes. Thanks for the sweet story. I also didn't know you had a I'll be reading it now!